Holding My Last Breath
by NocturnalRaine
Summary: Spike's love dies and he's left picking up the pieces.


Title: My Last Breath  
  
Author: Nocturnal Raine  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Spike morns the death of his mortal love.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but this story and Aftyn Valentine. The lyrics are from Evanescence's "My Last Breath".  
  
*Hold on to me love*You know I can't stay long*All I wanted to say was I love you*And I'm not afraid*Can you hear me*Can you feel me in your arms*  
  
Angel layed the lifeless Aftyn Valentine on the bed just as Spike burst into the room. He looked from Angel to his fiancee laying near death infront of him. "What the bloody hell happened?!" He questioned rushing to her side.  
  
Her breathing was shallow and ragged as he took her delicate hand in his, holding it tightly. He turned to Angel. "Darla." Angel began, the sorrow noticeable in his voice. "She got to her before I could stop her."  
  
"Spike..." A hoarse whisper came from the bed. Spike's gaze turned back to her.  
  
"Don't speak, love." He hushed climbing into the bed next to her. He pulled her gently into his arms and held her possesively, rocking back in forth. He shuttered when he saw the punctures in her throat.  
  
"No...I need to...say this...before I die." Aftyn forced out looking deep into his vampiric blue eyes.  
  
"You're...you're not going to die, pet. You're go...going to be ok." His voice cracked as the tears unwantingly came to the surface.He could smell the death on her, but still he tried to stay strong. He could smell the death on her. Meanwhile, Angel looked on speechless.  
  
"Don't...kid yourself. Living for...false hope is...pointless. It's noway...to live." She took a few more labored breaths before continuing. "I love you...William...don't morn me...please."  
  
"No you're not going to die. I refuse to let you go!" He protested firmly as a tear fell down his pale cheek. Suddenly, Aftyn felt very surreal. Kind of like she was floating upward. She knew this was the last time she'd see Spike.  
  
*Holding my last breath*Safe inside myself*Are all my thoughts of you*Sweet raptured light*It ends here tonight*  
  
"I'll be watching you...Spike...You'll never...be alone." She felt herself slip further away as she found herself reliving parts of her life. They were in reverse order, starting from those final words to her first breath. When she came to the first time she and Spike were intimate, she wanted to stay there. Forever.  
  
Spike saw the faraway look in Aftyn's eyes. He couldn't feel her soul anymore, he couldn't feel her breathing. "Aftyn...come on sweetheart. Stay with me now." Angel put a comforting hand on his friends shoulder and with tears comming down, shook his head. He knew as well as Spike did that she was long gone. But Spike wasn't going to believe it until he heard it.  
  
"Spike...Aftyn's gone. I'm sorry." He said softly. Spike let out some sort of wimpering sound that sounded much like a wounded animal as he layed Aftyn's body down and fled from the room into the fall night.  
  
*I'll miss the winter*A world of fragile things*Look for me in the white forest*Hiding in a hollow tree(come find me)*I know you hear me*I can taste it in your tears*  
  
Spike stared blankly out the window at the winter night, watching as the snow gently fell. "I miss this. Being in your arms by the fire. You always said I was like the winter. That I was as delicate and fragile as a snowflake in the wind, aimlessly drifting about, not knowing where it would land." Aftyn's soft, haunting voice rang in his ears.  
  
He shook it off, thinking it to be his imagination. "I'm everywhere Spike. I will live on in your thoughts, your heart, and in your very soul...you'll never be alone." She promiced. Using all her strength, she kissed him gently on his cheek tasting the tears there. he placed his hand there, and closed his eyes, savoring the feeling. Never wanting it to go away.  
  
*Closing your eyes to disappear*You pray your dreams will leave you here*But you wake and know the truth*No one's there*  
  
"I want to die." Spike thought to himself. "I want to join her in my dreams...and never wake up." He slipped into a dreamless sleep only to wake up minutes before sunrise screaming Aftyn's name. Looking around, he found himself to be alone, just as before. He closed the blinds and headed to the basement to slumber until nightfall.  
  
*Say goodnight*Don't be afraid*Calling me calling me*As you fade to black*  
  
"Goodnight Aftyn." Spike whispered, no longer caring. He still cared about her, but he had lost his will to live. As he slipped into an uneasy slumber, he repeatedly murmered Aftyn's name. 


End file.
